Wednesday, April 7, 2010


Well, the players have spoken their last lines and the curtain has fallen. What have I learned??

I have learned that no matter how hard I try to be pessimistic, it doesnt work. I love my life and all the people in it.
I have learned that I am still not very good at the whole literary critisism thing, so I need to work on that some more.
I have learned that I love my family, both from home, and the family I have formed here.
I have learned that I love literature, and that makes me a nerd and a half, but I am ok with that.
I have learned that I love laughing and smiling, and no matter how stressed I get, I find a way to laugh at it. That is a good quality in my book.
I have learned that I work pretty hard, and though I am not a genious, I try. and that is good enough for me.
I have learned that my adventures are priceless, and I would not trade them for anything.
overall, I have a good life, and I love it. I am an english teacher in the making, in all my nerdy glory and I would not trade me for anything.

And the crowd gives her a standing ovation...... Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!!!

One Art

this is one of my favorite poems ever, called one art. for those new to it, here you go.......

One Art - A poem by Elizabeth Bishop
"The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster."

to me, this poem is about moving on. Life continuing.
There have been several times in my life where i have lost things. most of them were not disasters. I have even lost people. and though it may seem like a disaster, life moved on, and the disaster aspect faded. this is what Browning is trying to tell us in the poem. she says to lose something every day, so that we become better and more capable to move on with our lives. the heart heals with time i have learned, and it seems that Browning has learned the same thing.


my roommate/ best friend and I have a plan.

We are running away to Australia. Yep. the end. the two of us are oober stressed out, so we are going to ride buses, and take boats, and trains, until we get to Australia. We are planning to live there, and ride camels on the beach, swim in the ocean, and meet some nice tan boys with accents that can show us around. then we are going to rent an apartment, and I will be a bar singer and she will be a janitor at the bar so that we can make money, and we will grow old together and be happy and never have to think about the testing center again.......... and they lived happily ever after.


we have even gone so far as to look up how much a plane ticket would cost and start planning our packing lists.
it is how we escape, and it works! until the part where we have to come beck to reality kicks in..... haha

fun times

I have a very interesting life. no joke.

i have a friend who is determined to set up me and another friend. he does the most obvious things to try to get the two of us together, and it is oober weird. I love this kid, but he is killing me with the references to dating. haha. The friend he is trying to get me to date is just another friend, and though it is funny to hear some of the things he says, it can get weird. for example.... today on facebook, set up friend tagged guy he wants me to date in a bunch of my pictures that he is not in, and got me to change my profile picture to one of me and guy he wants me to date..... which oddly enough is the same picture guy i am supposed to date's profile picture is. confusing enough for ya??? good. cause it is kinda hilarious. you might just have to be there.....

The guy he wants me to date and I are in the middle of a war. I kinda unleashed a can of silly string on him with my roommates unexpectedly, then topped it off with a nice dousing of water later that night. I am waiting for the retaliation, and I am scared.... haha

My roommates and I are basically one soul in three bodies. we have sooo much fun. we have done all sorts of things together.... movies.... stargazing..... basketball..... studying..... looking for keys in the snow at 12:30 at night..... talking.... we just have fun. what can i say more???

my roommates, me, and another set of friends are in a large, grand prank war involving doors, newspaper, and all sorts of creative ideas. this might just be one of the biggest adventures of the semester, cause let me tell ya, it takes a lot of manpower to pull off some of the stuff we have done. may i just say, don't mess with my roommates and I, cause we don' play fair, we play for keeps. hahaha

college is very very stressful, and without all the good times life would be very boring and i would be kinda miserable. I believe that you have to laugh during the work in order to be able to survive!!!! just my philosophy.

I sing.... betcha didnt know that.

I have a confession to make....... I sing. that is right. I sing. Do i ever do it in public, goodness no. has my roommate/ best friend ever heard me sing in the year she has known me? no. has my other roommate/ best friend ever heard me sing? yes, but only twice... max. Do I love singing? with all my heart!!
why am I so afraid to share my talent? Who knows!!!!!! but i hate it with a passion.

I think i feel like there are more than enough singers to go around when you live in a place like this, so i do not sing, because i know i am not as good as them. but this explanation does not cover it, because none of my friends in high school knew that i sang either until I got up to do a solo at graduation. haha. I have sang in church once at home, and never here. I am simply terrified to do it.
I think I am a decent singer. I am no Celine Dion for sure, and i am not even as good as most of the people here, but I have been in an official after school practices included, gotta wear an ugly dress choir since 5th grade. AND i have a minor in music. That should encourage me to do better than I have at sharing a talent that I know was given to me by my Heavenly Father to share. But i cannot bring myself to do it. I don't know why, but it is frustrating me. I need to seriously consider it.

Samuel Johnson

Samuel Johnson is a writer from the 18th century. He wrote mainly about the follies of humankind and correcting them. Today I discovered that one of the follies he wrote about is idleness. To Johnson, idleness entails people who fill their time with meaningless tasks, talk and socialize to avoid being alone, and do nothing of value with their lives. Johnson admonishes these idle people to become productive. They are chastised and encouraged to do the very thing that they are avoiding and spend time alone in introspection.
I hate introspection because I do not want to think about all of my shortcomings and ways to fix them. That requires effort!! But when thinking about improving myself seems like a challenge, that is when I realize that I most need introspection. bummer...... Basically, it the equivilant of the process required to get better when you are sick. You have to take the nasty, gag me, must have a glass of water next to you when you take it or you will puke medicine. I agree with Johnson one hundred percent. I hate it, but I agree. So, to eat my words, here is a little mini introspection I have been doing.

I stress wayyyy too much, and need to relax or I will have an aneurysm by my 23rd birthday.
I do not do enough journal writing. I know my memory is awful, so i need to write stuff down so that i do not lose it.
I do not tell my family that I love them enough. I am so far away that I get caught in the day to day and forget about them. I need to get better at having real conversations with my little sisters, and remembering to tell my family how much they mean to me.
I am mean!!! Really, I am. My favorite nickname for people is butt and a half. Haha, not good. I need to learn to say nice things! cause I am awful at it.
I feel like I do not study nearly as much as I should. I know I am trying my best, but I think my best can be a little better, if that makes sense at all.
I am really really really bad at sharing my talents. Really really really bad. Most people have no idea how much I love music and that I sing... gotta work on that one too.

Work on these things.
Ready, Go!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


It has always been my way to hate poetry. i have disliked poetry with as strong a passion one can have for as long as i can remember. well. me being an english major and all, i have had to read more poetry this year than i ahve ever read in my life..... and you know what? my iron fist heart is starting to soften a little. i know i know, crazy right???!!!! I am getting the hang of analyzing poetry, and i like it so much more now that i can figure out what in the world they are trying to say to me!! i do not like poetry yet, but i dislike it less, which is a step up i think. thank goodness for patient teachers that deal with my slow learning in this area. without their help, i would still hate poetry. and that would be sad.

fish funerals

so, as an April fools joke, a friend got a hold of the key to our apartment and graced us with about 25 fish in our bathtub and sink. all fun and games right? wrong! we did not know what to do withour new houseguests, so we put them in a bucket and decided to keep them for a while and see what happens. well, my 2 roommates and I have become very attached to our little friends and named several of them, including Ricky and Lucy(the twins), Mater(because he swims backwards), creeper(because he looks like he has a mustache). jorge (because he was kinda brown looking), Clifford(because it is a cool name), and smallfry(because it is the smallest fish we have ever seen). well, we were going along just fine, when tragedy struck in our happy little home..... you know the end of Titanic when you see all the bodies floating and it grosses you out? that happened, in fish form. depressing. so now we have Mater, smallfry, and 3 fish with no names. we are trying our best to get over the deaths of our little friends, but it was really depressing having to have a mass fish funeral.


my roommates are my best friends. end of story. I love them with all my soul!! they complete me. one roommate is a friend that i have had for close to 6 years, so we are twins pretty much. the other roommate is a new edition to the family, but she fits like a custom made dress. she is gorgeous, and hilarious! the three of us finish each other's sentances, have a reunion after only going a few hours apart and are so sarcastic and weird together that we sound a little crazy to outsiders. i am pretty sure these two girls are stuck with me for life now that we are in college together. lucky them!!


I hate grammar, so being an English teacher is a bad decision right?
but, i love grammar. i love sentence structure, and commas, and clauses, and phrases, and all of that English nerd stuff. I have been told that i am a comma addict, and that i love prepositions. that is not a bad thing i don't think. I am the resident editor for all things among my friends. It can be overwhelming trying to write a paper of your own, and have 2 people asking you to edit their papers for them as well, but i am awful at saying no. I do not mind editing, it gives me a chance to learn about whavever they are writing about, and practice my grammar. now if only we still had spelling tests........

debating women

so, my British lit class just had a discussion on the debate of women , their roles, and their writing. we read different essays from men and women writing back and forth to each other. may i just say, those women could hold their own!! they are some of the funniest wittiest things i have ever read. those women have guts too! they are writing to men that believe them to be inferior, and they are cracking jokes about those men that they are trying to prove themselves too. i do not think i would have the guts to do that. they were bold and brave and stuck up for their right to write. i look up to those women. because of them, i have the ability to speak my mind and write what i want. they have paved the way for all women writers, and ladies, i think they deserve a tip of the hat from us for groundbreaking work they did, just so that they would write what they wanted.

the end is near

they year is drawing to a close, and (though you can't tell by the weather) spring is upon us. I have absolutely loved my first year here at BYU and I do not think I would have changed any of it. I have the best roommates a person could ask for, and we are going to live together next year. the only regret I have is making friends with a bunch of great guys that are leaving for 2 years. not really though. I have made friends, that oddly enough, are mostly guys, and mostly pre- mission. my roommates and i are going to have to start almost completely over next year. oh well. It is totally worth it considering all of them are going on missions, and are worthy to go on missions!! I love that they are all getting so excited about going. BYU has kicked my butt, but i do not think i would have enjoyed any other school nearly as much. the classes here have been so hard that they seem immopssible, but i have done them. this school has certainly taught me that i can do hard things. that is certain. i have also learned that learning together and teaching one another is much better than learning alone and trying to compete with everyone. so, now that the year is coming to an end, i think i am going to celebrate by melting my brain with some episodes of The Office, some laughs with my friends before they leave, and a little more studying. I think that is pretty do-able.

hello talent

I have learned over the years that everyone has their own special talents and that everyone has some value. Well, lately, my three little sisters have become superstars at life, and they are killing my whole originality thing. one sister just made straight A's and won a gymnastics meet, one sister is an amazing singer and shows me up every time those notes come out of her mouth..... and the other sister is only 8 years old and is competing in UIL story telling. two of them compete in showing rabbits, and they just made big money from selling their show rabbits. they are killing me!! I am not jealous by any means. I am thrilled for them! but goodness gracious, I am the oldest kid. I should be good at at least one thing. haha. oh well, I guess I am just setting the path for them to follow. next thing I know, they are gonna go to IV league schools and leave me in the dust here too. I think i would be OK with that though. I want them to do the best they can and be the best they can. nothing thrills me more than that.

I am missing it!!

so reading has always been an escape for me. I guess that is why I am an English major. but, I have not been able to read a book for pleasure since I left home!!
It is pretty sad, and my mom loves to rub it in every chance she gets. she reads like it is going out of style though, so i do not compare myself to her. ever. haha
sooo, I have decided to compile a list of books that i am going to attempt to read this summer. I just miss being able to sit down and get wrapped up in someone elses life rather than having to deal with my own. does anyone have any suggestions for what I should read???

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Author Spotlights

I think I am in love with these spotlights. yes they are work, and they are a little nerve racking and stressful, but they are awesome. I love literature, which is one of the reasons I want to teach English, so these presentations are opening me up to so many new authors that I kind of want to read something from all of them. If only I had the time!! I have learned so much about authors that I have never even heard of. I love that!! So, I just wanted to say keep up the great presentations, and I am pretty sure when I start teaching that I am going to steal parts of this project and assign it to those kids. It is evil, i know, but Sister Steadman has got me hooked.


ok, so I am oober stressed out right now getting ready for finals and finishing everything up for all my classes. Along with that normal stuff, I am going home for my sister's baptism.... 2 days before classes end. I am so excited, but holy cow I am worried about it. My car just broke too. haha. I kinda want to curl up in the fetal position and rock myself to sleep. I was wondering if you guys had any ideas for stress relief. so far my roommates and I have turned to basketball, chick flicks, and a whole lot of ice cream. just wondering if you guys have any great stress relievers that you would be willing to share.

A modest proposal

So, I am in a British lit class right now, and we just read A Modest Proposal by Swift for class. May I just say that it was gorgeous! The satire that Swift uses is fantastic. I love this piece. For those unfamiliar with the work, it is a proposed solution to feeding the poor in Ireland...... eat the babies. it is as simple as that. Swift is much more graphic and candid then me, but that is the gist of the story. The commentary in this piece is great. Let me explain. It is a commentary both to Ireland, and to England, its ruling country. To England, Swift is saying basically, hey, we might as well eat the babies because that would be better for them then having to grow up under your rule and live in this impoverished and sad state. to Ireland, Swift is saying, well, you are not doing anything about your state, so, why not eat the babies to make life a little better. The work is sick, sadistic, and hilarious in my opinion. But, maybe i just have a sick mind. Go check it out and tell me what you think.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Emily Dickinson

Emily Dickinson scares the snot out of me. I am not a poet, and I am not one to read poetry. One of the poems that we read though, The Bustle in the House, struck a special chord with me. For those who don't remember it, here it is again...
The Bustle in a House
The Morning after Death
Is solemnest of industries
Enacted opon Earth –
The Sweeping up the Heart
And putting Love away
We shall not want to use again
Until Eternity –

This poem holds very special meaning to me because I understand what Emily is talking about 100 percent. Between my Sophomore and Senior years of high school, four of my family members died. I was only able to attend two funerals. After the second death, the death of my grandpa Rocky, there was bustle in my grandma Rama's house. The family cleaned her small house out and as it was being done, Grandma sat on the couch in a state of shock and desperation. All of the clutter we cleaned were her memories of her and Grandpa. we were sweeping up her heart. And in turn, she swept up her broken heart and put it away. She no longer has the life in her eyes and the sarcasm that she once had. she does not smile the same way, and she does not hug the same way. My Grandma put her love away, and I know that she has put it away for my Grandpa, and will not retrieve it again in this life. She tries to be happy, and there are moments when she is, but it is different. Emily Dickinson's poem rang clear and true for my life, and I think that it might be the poem I have best understood in all poetry I have read. So, no matter how much Emily Dickinson scares me, I have a great appreciation for her and her work now.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

poetry analysis

The Tyger versus The Lamb was a very interesting contrast to me. The Lamb has a sweet reverential tone that is very "pastel". It is the light side of the human experience, and goes through the different representations of the Lamb. the lamb can be a representation of Christ, the sacrificial lamb, as well as the fact that we are lambs to be saved. The Tyger, in contrast, represents the dark side of human experience. The Tyger is bright and loud. it is abrupt and powerful and represents the fact that sometimes we can be too hard on ourselves.
These two poems, after analysis, give a good contrast and i appreciate them much more now that i understand what they mean. they are poems that i believe are a very good representation of the two sides of human experience, and i believe that we all experience both sides at some point.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I can't get it out of my head.

The question that was posed to us English 251 students is one that I cannot seem to stop pondering. "Why do we read?" the movie clip said that we read to know we are not alone. I think that this is a perfect answer to that question! I was reading one of my favorites the other day (I won't say which, because that would completely give away my situation! haha) but the main character is going through the exact same predicament as me! down to a t. As I was reading, it dawned on me how similar the two of us are, and I had to laugh. I know I am not alone in my problem, because at least one other person is going through it, even though she is not real. We read to know we are not alone. This phrase rings very deep in my heart. I know that I read to escape my life, and immerse myself in someone else's life. I read to know that I am not alone in this world. I read to know that I am not the only one with issues, or thoughts, or passions. I read to know that someone else in this huge world feels the way I do. The satisfaction that comes with that knowledge is priceless, and it comes with every book that I open. I love reading with a passion that some might call unhealthy, but it has a purpose to me. When i read, I feel that the characters understand me, and I understand them. I know that my crazy reading addiction has a purpose. I know that I read to know that I am not alone.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

here we go......

My first time blogging ever. Man, I am behind. This is going to be a blog to help me organize thoughts and ideas, and create new thoughts and ideas. I am an English Teacher in the making, and it is an adventure. I am excited to create this, so that I can share my thoughts, ideas, and crazy mind with others. English is a passion of mine, and I am very excited to be learning how to teach my passion to others. Some stuff about me, I am from Dallas TX, and yes, I drive a truck, have an accent, and listen to country. I have 3 sisters, of whom I am the oldest. I read books religiously. My favorite is Jane Eyre. I love my roommates more than most people can imagine. I hate dresses, I believe they were put on Earth to make me miserable. My spelling is worse than my 7 year old sister's. I am about as technologically savvy as my Grandma. My coordination is sorely lacking, and it is a habit of mine to fall down. I generally fall about 3 times a day. That is about all I consist of. I can't wait to get started on this new adventure. :)